Anger is an important emotion. It has had critically important functions through our human evolution. Its main purpose is to infuse us with energy so that we can fight for our survival. But the evolutionary development of anger was not without a few flaws. One of them is that the part of the brain that is engaged when we become angry works far more rapidly compared to the part of our brain that weighs and measures and considers alternatives: our prefrontal cortex.
Have you ever done something in anger you have deeply regretted later? An action that leads to regret is one that is done when you were in the middle of an amygdala hijack. The regret comes after the prefrontal lobe has considered other options and realized that you had misinterpreted the situation and over-reacted.
Although anger is an important survival emotion, it’s also a secondary emotion. It is always a cover for one or more of these other emotions: fear, hurt, sadness, loss. Feeling those emotions exposes the deepest core of our being, leaving us vulnerable, so we are not likely to do that as easily as we are to allow ourselves to become angry instead. Anger is a nice comfy blanket that hides our fear or hurt or sadness.
No one can make you feel angry. You alone have access to the switch that triggers the cascade of chemicals that result in the experience of anger.
So, no, that student or colleague did not make you angry when they did what they did. When you saw what they did, you interpreted their behaviour to mean something. That interpretation of their behaviour then led to the pulling of the anger trigger and when you yelled, you were in full amygdala hijack.
But, there are ways to circumvent another hijack.
When you know what kinds of things trigger you, when you know how your body signals that you’re about to be hijacked, you can take a deep breath or two. When you are first learning how to do this, it helps to walk away, out of the room for a bit.
It helps too if you have a regular meditation and exercise routine. You are less likely to be easily triggered if you do.
It also helps if you regularly release the energy that fuels your anger in healthy ways.
Even though you may learn all about anger, and what to do about it, changing the way you have been angry in the past is quite difficult to do. For a while, you’ll forget what to do far more frequently than you’ll remember.
But you need to keep practicing because the only way out is through.
You have to go through the learning curve. The golden prize at the other end is that, when you know how to control your own anger, you will be able to help your students do that too.
You will also understand that when a student is being aggressive or angry it has nothing at all to do with you. They may have had a really bad evening at home and the very last thing they can handle is to produce an error-free paragraph or listen to you explain a poem.
When you learn about your own anger, you will know just how really scared or worried or upset that student is underneath their anger. You will feel empathy.
And when you model empathy in your classroom, you will be well on your way to creating a learning environment that is emotionally safe for your students.
19th century classrooms were ruled by fear and coercion. Students in a 21st century learning environment feel safe to express and experience a range of emotions because their teacher is attuned to students’ emotions and knows, both cognitively and experientially, how to respond accordingly.